you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
