I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
