weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
