So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
