When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
