i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
