I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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