My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
