there's paper in my vomit.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
