After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Every concussion has its silver lining
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
