how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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