New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
