Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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