Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
