I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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