We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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