if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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