I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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