I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
