why didn't you poke me back
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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