god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yo dont text me then not text me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
