Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You smell like stripper and shame
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
