Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
