I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
