You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
