She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
