Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
