if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
