life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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