I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
