its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
