What a fucking waste of an outfit
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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