I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
