i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We are all done wearing pants today
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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