just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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