just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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