you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
