I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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