im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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