in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
