omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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