hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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