I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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