I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
