I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
