mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
