What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
