I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
