Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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