Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
