His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
