I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
