i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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